Wackiest Ending for HP & DH
by Amar13
Summary: Collection of the wackiest endings I can think of for Deathly Hallows. In the first, there's song, dance and hamburgers. What more could you want? In the second, the existance of nargles is tested! Plus, drugs in Hogwarts? Collection Count : 2. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Harry goes over to Voldemort knowing he was going to die (Chapter 34: The Forest Again) under the cloak. He walks to the middle of the circle of Death Eaters and faces Voldemort, then he suddenly takes off the cloak and starts dancing and singing to Voldemort to the tune of Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive.'

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified (by Petrificus Totalus)  
Kept thinking I could never live without you dead and gone.  
But then I spent so many night, thinking of what you did wrong.  
And I grew strong, and I learned how to do a Patronus!

And so your back! No thanks to Pettigrew!  
You took my blood and I found you here with the evil look upon you face.  
I should have killed you then and there. I should have eaten that last cake...  
At the Hogwart's Great Hall. Now I'm hungry 'till I starve!  
Oh, now go!  
Leave me alone!  
Just turn around now, and go to heck you stupid guy!  
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with Avadas?  
You'd think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I!  
But you won't survive!  
Oh, as long as you don't know how to love I know you won't survive.  
I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give.  
And I'll survive.  
I will survive!

HEY HEY!" Harrry sang and busted some moves. All the Death Eater were perplexed at Harry's muggle music, but couldn't help to dance to the beat a beat. Voldemort looked annoyed, even though under his robes his foot was tapping and his ears ringed with a pleasant sound.  
"ENOUGH!" Voldemort scream. "You dare mock me? You dare mock Lord Voldemort, soon to be the ruler of everything?" Harry stopped dancing and just looked at his with a dazed expression.  
"Yeah, um, that whole refer to yourself in third person is way out! I mean, what kind of freak are you?" Harry snorted. "And that nose! Ugh! Some one call the circus, there's a weirdo on the lose!"  
"I don't know what foolery your playing at, but this ends NOW! _AVADA KEDABRA_!" Voldemort pionted his Elder wand at Harry, but instead of a green bolt of light coming out, the wand make a fart sound.  
"HAHA! Your wand is powerless against me!" Harry stuck out his tounge at Voldemort.  
"How can this be? This is the unbeatable Elder Wand!" Voldemort cried more to himself than anyone.  
"Na-Na! Your wand like me more 'cause it's secretly mine!" Harry said. "Come here Wand Dude!" The Elder wand flew out of Voldemorts hans and into Harry's.  
"NOOOOOO!!!" Voldemort screamed to the sky. He looked back at Harry and kneeled down to his knees. "Please Mr. Potter, don't kill me! Please, I beg you!"  
"Oh, I'm not going to kill you. I have a better idea of torture!" Harry said with a grin on his face.

Next week, Harry, Ron and Hermione were in the muggle world going to get some food though a drive-through.  
"So muggles actually fry potatoes?" Ron asked, looking discusted. "That's dispicable!"  
"Oh, Ron! You won't say that once you've tried it!" Hermione said and Harry laughed. They drove up to the next window were, to all but Harry's suprise, someone was passing them a bag full of food.  
"Would you like fries with that?" Voldemort said into the microphone. He was dressed in a red, blue, and yellow polka dotted suit with a matching cone hat. "Pass to the next windoow, please," He repeated to the microphone and turned to Harry's car.  
"Hey there, Voldy!" Harry smiled while Ron and Hermione covered their mouths so no laughing would come out... yet. Voldemort gasped and took off his hat as to try to reduce the embarasment. "How's the drive-thru buisness treating ya?" Harry asked.  
"Good," Voldemor managed to squeak. He passed Harry his last bag and Harry drove off. Hermione and Ron cracked out laughing histerically.  
"You sent him to work at a buger joint?" Hermione said through tears and laughs.  
"That's my man! Nice one Harry!" Ron praised. And they drove out onto the street enjoying their food!

"Hey these potatoes are good!"


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey everyone! I decided that I'm going to make this a collection of all the wacky endings I can think of so here's the second one in my collection. This was actually caused by a writer's block on another thing I was doing. Well, enjoy!

PS, I think I'm going to rate this particular chapter in my collection a PG13, just because of the mention of some drugs, nothing too major.

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Voldemort faced the brave people who opposed him in the ultimate battle of right versus wrong, good versus evil (The Flaw in the Plan, Chapter 36). He began to tell them all about the changes he would make to Hogwarts. The new Hogwarts would not have any houses, only Slytherin for all students. The crowd of students and adults that fought for good shuffled. Just then, Luna Lovegood came to the outside from the Hogwarts entrance.

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" she screamed. She pushed herself through the crowd into the open space between Voldemort and her fellow students. "NOBODY BELIEVED ME, BUT I KNEW IT!"

"What is this annoying child yappin' about?" Voldemort said, his patience getting wasted.

"I finally found the existence of nargles!" she proclaimed proudly. Everyone around her gasped.

"Nargles? Are you demented?" Voldemort scoffed.

"It isn't a surprise that you'd deny their existence, is it, Voldemort? Or should I say, NARGLE!" Luna said stepping towards Voldemort in a threatening manner.

"What?! What are you talking about?" Voldemort asked nervously. The crowd began to murmur.

"You know exactly what!" Luna turned around to face the others. "Nargles have the rare ability to change their shape and form and become anything they desire. They are also very advanced for our time, they believe they have the ability to over power anyone. Nargles are also extreme control freaks. But the most important thing about nargles is that they have grown accustomed to live in the world as ordinary wizards or muggles. Who are these people? They are those weird, control freaks that enjoy having power and want to take over the world. Some examples: Cornelius Fudge, Professor Umbridge, Voldemort! And don't forget those annoying librarians that always tell you to be quiet in the library! They are all nargles!" The crowd began to talk excitedly.

"What?!" Voldemort screamed. "This is an outrage!"

"No, it's true! All you have to do is cast a Revelations Spell on him!" Luna said.

Suddenly, the Hogwarts gates busted open and a group of healers and Aurors came in.

"There she is!" they screamed. The groups of officials ran over to Luna and handcuffed her.

"What are you doing?" Luna cried.

"You are under arrest for the selling of illegal hallucinogens to under aged students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," one of the Aurors told her.

"What? Dumbledore said he wouldn't tell anyone as long as I supplied him as well! That old gas bag!" Luna screamed as she was carried away by the Aurors.

"That explains a lot…" a voice said from the crowd.

Then, Neville ran out of the crowd into the open space when Luna had been. Voldemort jumped nervously, but regained his posture quickly.

"You know what? I believe Luna!" Neville proclaimed. "She may be a little crazy, and apparently a drug addict, but she was my friend and I trust her," he said and turned to Voldemort, who had a slightly nervous and worried face on. "_Revelus Allus_!" Neville cried as he flicked his wand at Voldemort.

For a second, nothing happened. But then, Voldemort's skin began to boil. His body liquified into the ground.  
"NOOOO!! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING!" Voldemort screamed into the sky. Everyone watched in awe. His body continued to melt until only a small blob of red was left. Everyone watched the blob in amazement and suddenly, two small beady eyes popped in it.

"Are you happy?" the small red blob said in the squeakiest voice you could imagine. "You ruined my plans for world domination!"

"Is that it? That's the big battle with Voldemort we've been getting ready for since we were eleven?" Ron charged out from the crowd. "What a rip off!"

"So what are we going to do now?" Hermione said.

"We're going to Disney World!" Fred and George screamed in unison and ran out the Hogwarts gates. The crowd shrugged and followed them though the gates.

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Later that week…

Hermione and Ron were waiting in line to ride Space Mountain, when suddenly Hermione's keen sense of memory came in handy.

"Hey Ron, what happened to Harry?" she asked.

"Good question…" he replied.

Back at the deserted Hogwarts, a sleeping Harry lay on the ground snoring. Apparently, he had slept through the whole battle with Voldemort while pretending to be dead.

"Hey! Where'd everyone go? I thought we were gonna make s'mores to celebrate!"

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A/N: Hey! Hope you enjoyed the second instalment in the Collection of Wacky Endings for HP&DH ! Remeber to review and tell me if you think I'm funny or just plain annoying! D


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